I often replace God with other things in my life. In the words of Britney, “I am a slaaaave for you”; with “you” being money, children, finances, household responsibilities, etc.
Two nights ago, I thought, “maybe tomorrow I'll actually read some scripture.” Did I? No. I thought about it twice throughout the day, but I failed. The sad thing is, I have a bible sitting here on my desk. Heck, I set my phone on it every day. I'm burying God's Word underneath my daily crap!
I've been praying for safety, and comfort for years, and God has answered those prayers. I knew could lead to a boring life, but I was willing to take that chance. I am now struggling with complacency, feel an itch to expand. Yes, I desire a stable home, job, healthy family. But, where's the joy, the adventure?
I am a very cognitive person, & consider myself aware of my surroundings. I love movies; and I know it's because I can live vicariously through the characters on the screen. It allows me to feel that thrill of adventure, pain & joy of love and family. We as humans hunger for joy & love! The cool thing is, God can provide! You just have to believe.
I can speak it, but living it is considerably harder. I was told recently that I am afraid to ask the tough questions to God. “...Break me, use me...” It's true. I can superficially ask God to use me, but since I'm not asking with my heart, I don't see anything happening.
1 comment:
thanks for your honesty, Mark!
looking forward to hanging out tonight... maybe we can talk through some of this stuff & also spend some time listening to what the Father is up to, cause we know He's always moving.
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