Monday, February 19, 2007


I just realized on the way home from work today that I have an issue with forgiveness. Here's the scoop:
I watched as this car, two cars in front of me, palatially go into the other lane. Now, I'm sure you've had experience with this. You watch the car get over just enough to block both lanes, just as the light turns green. Now neither lane can go, 'cause there's a car in the way. As I'm bitching at this unknown driver, I think that getting over (unlike this) should be common sense. "If you're gonna get over, do it. Don't half-ass it."

I started to think about the situation, because I felt uncomfortable with all my complaining. It occurred to me that there was probably a good chance that he didn't do this intentionally; and how many times has (and will) this happen to me? Then, if it is true that he didn't mean to do it, how do I have the right to bitch? From there I thought, If I'm holding some unknown drive to this standard, then I have to live up to that same standard! What if I make a mistake? What if my mistake is worse than just blocking two lanes for 15 seconds? There's no way I can live up to that standard!

So I figured the only way I can get off the hook for this level of driving skill, is to forgive these other drivers, which brings me to the topic at hand: forgiveness.

Why is it that whenever I think to say "I forgive you." it sounds fake, & unnatural? I think this is a big deal for Laura & I to deal with, but so far has been relatively unsuccessful. I find it a lot easier to ask for forgiveness, but difficult to do the forgiving. Maybe I think that I'm flawed too & therefore, for me to forgive would be to say that I'm better than you; which is not what I'm saying.

Christ sets the example. But for him it was easy, he was perfect. I'm pretty sure it's my biblical ignorance that is hindering me, but I really don't know where to go from here.

I think I'm talking in circles... I'll probably post more on this later. :)

1 comment:

michelle said...

I think it very interisting that you have a hard time forgiving becuase you feel by forgiving you sound higher than the other person. That is the exact opposite for me! The only way I can forgive is by reminding myself that I have no right to hold it agains them. I have to think of all the sins I've committed, all the harm I have intentionally and unintentionally caused someone and I realize they, the person seeking forgiveness, is better than me. You see, sometimes I hurt people and don't even have the courage to ask for forgiveness. Wow! What an amazing person who cares so much about your relationship to ask for forgiveness- to not let that one thing come between you. Often times I don't have that- my own weakness.