PJ

Today I want to write about my son.

Last night I watched 300 for the hundredth time, and I noticed a couple subtle details regarding the father/son relationship I hadn't noticed before.  After the son had been killed, the father said he regretted he hadn't told his son that he was the son he'd loved most.  Now, I don't really have that problem because he's my only son, but that's besides the point.  At age 7, I can already tell he's the son I love most.

I believe when it comes to boys you never know what card you're going to be dealt.  Are you going to get a crazy, loud boy that never seems to calm down?  Or, will you get the boy that is calm, courteous, collected, but still has a love for boy things (sports, cars, etc)?  I believe we lucked out; our boy is of the latter variety.

For me, it's the little things that make the difference.  He's constantly respectful of others, especially adults.  He always wants to do the right thing.  This reminds me of a few times at school he would complain that if he obeyed the rules (of not running, in this case), he'd never get the good seat (or whatever).  He was learning the lesson that good guys finish last.  I thought for sure this would sway him to become a little insubordinate.  It didn't.  In fact the closest he's come to being a "bad kid" was a few weeks ago when he got suspended from school.  Apparently he & a friend were horsing around when PJ bit his friend on the arm.  The kid complained to the lunch lady, and PJ received a suspension.  I was a little afraid that day would come, but when it did, it was easy to blow off.  Boys will be boys.

He's a softy, but he still loves boy things: football, baseball, cars, 4-wheelers, motorcycles, etc.  The few things we have in common, really give me hope for the future.  I love these days with my son.  I just hope there's still a little more uphill before things go downhill.  

Resolutions - Revisited

At the beginning of this year I posted my resolutions, and such, for 2010.  Well, here it is, the end of the year.  Let's see if I've accomplished anything of value...

My resolutions for 2010 were as follows:

1. Pray with both my son & my girls before they go to bed.
2. Do coffee or breakfast with all my kids, but especially Carly. (Remember, God has engineered YOU to mesh with your family. You, not Mark, not Ryan, not Will, are the spiritual leader of your family for a REASON.)
3. Continue with small group. It's been a while since I've been encouraged in such a way that I'm motivated to go home and lead my family in the pursuit of following God.
4. Be diligent, honest, & committed to my spending plan. Understand that it's OK to revise the plan as long as we both agree.
5. Join a reading plan on Youversion.com. Make reasonable attempts to stick with it. Hold laura accountable.
6. Pick out a Bible verse with the kids to memorize. Attempt more as time permits.
7. Pray more frequently
8. When is God most apparent to you? Is it during worship? Driving, what?
9. God has placed His desires in our hearts! What are YOU going to do about it?!

Ok, let's see how I did...

1. Fail.  I don't think I did this at all.
2. Neither fail nor success.  Although I didn't really do coffee or breakfast with any of them this year, I did make a point to take them individually out with me to do things, like errand running and such.  It's not nearly the face time I had in mind, but it was something.  And the kids & I did have had some good conversations.  I like this one though, and I think I'll keep it on the list for 2011.
3. Fail.  Joined a small group, but dropped out.  No fault to the group; I was feeling the demand of the commitment I'd made, and I didn't like that.
4. Success!  Although I wouldn't call it a complete success, we did stay (relatively) committed to our spending plan, and managed to come out in the black.  (considering it's post-Christmas I consider that a definite success)  So, to improve upon this goal, I plan to make some revisions, and keep better track of where my money is actually going.
5. Fail.  Although I joined the plan, motivation was nonexistent.  I'm not really sure what the solution is here.
6. Fail.  Completely forgot about this one once I wrote it.
7. Neither fail nor success.  Although I feel I prayed rather frequently, I definitely didn't pray as much as I wanted to.
8. I think this is an ongoing question.  My answer as of now: during Worship.
9. This question fuels a complicated answer that I'm not prepared to answer now.

Although it appears that 2010 was mostly a FAIL for me, I'm not looking at it that way.  I did manage to carve out a new position at work, that I actually like.  Football this year was a success.  The hopes I have for my kids have not subsided. I have worked out at the gym a bit...

That leads me to my resolutions for 2011:

• Continue working out at the gym, but progress toward a 5 day workout week.
• Significantly reduce my daily sugar intake.
• Revise budget to include 401k contributions, and better weekly expenditure tracking
• Read a novel
• Better refine my work duties, responsibilities
• Create an actual schedule for one-on-one time with each of the family members - especially Laura.  (see number 2 above)
• Find a Disciple that works with me.
• Take more pictures, and publish them.
• Create and develop long-term goals
• Pray with, and for my children.
• Learn Mandarin (a little)
• Get another tattoo
• Do at least 1 fun thing with my cousin, Eric
• Visit my sisters (both of them)

It'll be interesting to see how I do this year. 

The all-elusive Joy

Real Joy by Technowannabe

Joy for me is so difficult to get a-hold of. Some days I can walk throughout my day, arms wide, eyes closed, basking in God's awesomeness. Most days though, I feel stuffed in the box that is my life. Such is the working stiff. I can find joy in my kids (when they're being nice to each other), and nature, even the city in the early morning. Other days I feel like I wouldn't know joy if it kicked me in the face.

For the cognitive soul that I am, “joy” is difficult to wrap my head around. What does it mean to be joyful? What does that look like?

Technorati Tags: Joy, reflection

Interview with the Nielsens

Interview with the Nielsens from Mark Nielsen on Vimeo.

Why does God gotta be teachin' me humility?

These last few years I've acquired a bad attitude. I frequently find myself judging others for their shortcomings. The funny thing is, I'm not completely oblivious to my own shortcomings, Mainly, I just block them from my consciousness. God unfailingly inserts snippets of clarity into my life on a regular basis. (I'd like to think that most of the time I pick up on them, but that could also be one of my shortcomings.)

Today's lesson is on grammar. Within a half an hour of arriving at work, I was slapped across the face with an email containing, what I considered, horrible grammar. Minutes later, I came across a newsletter that contained a word I had felt been misused: “diametrically”. (Without going into much detail, we use the word “diametral” at work all the time. Some people use the word diametrical in its place. Until today I felt this was completely incorrect, and all users should be punished.) I looked both words up on both Definr & dictionary.com to verify their use. I read the definitions, and son-of-a-gun, I was wrong.

I'm not dumb. I know the right answers. I lack the discipline to stick to God's guidelines. Being humbled, when not expecting it, can be a bitch. But humility is necessary. I found a few verses that illustrate:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 (English Standard Version)

The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4 (English Standard Version)

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. Luke 14:11 (English Standard Version)

God always says it better than I do.

Technorati Tags: Jesus, humility, reflection

Clarification...not a douche

Yesterday I posted my rebuttal to an article about ways to improve the romance in your relationship.  I need to clarify that many of my "psssh, that wont work for me" comments were based on personality differences between the "standard couple" and my relationship with my wife.  I had not intention to make Laura look like a douche.  Please accept my apologies for any douche-ical emphasis.

Technorati Tags: apology, wife, douche, relationship, oops

7 Ways To Inject Romance Into Your Relationship...uh, not for me

photo by luigi morante


Dumb Little Man has a good post about how to interject (more) romance into your relationship. I'll list them briefly, but go read the article.  They are as follows.

1. Eye Gazing
2. Book a romantic surprise getaway
3. Touch your partner more often
4. Play romantic games
   
5. Write a love letter
6. Surprise your partner with a romantic dinner
7. Spend more time together

I love running across blog posts like these because everybody's got their opinion.  For the most part, the "experts" have a formula that works.  The problem I have is that Laura & I don't fit the mold.  The standard formulas don't apply; they need to be modified.

Eye gazing - Won't work.  About once a week I comment to my lover to come sit closer so we can gaze into each others' eyes.  She laughs in my face.  She may think I'm kidding, but I don't think that matters.  She makes comments like, "Why are you staring at me?"

Book a surprise getaway - I don't have a spare $300 minimum that is required for a day or two outside the home.  If there are cheaper options, it's rare that she'll consider them.  I have no doubt that getting out of the house for an overnight, or longer, would be beneficial to her/us.  It would be even more cool if I were to surprise her with all the details taken care of.  I won't disregard this one altogether, but for now it's not realistic.

Touch your partner more often - I'm the touchy one in the relationship.  I can relate being gently rubbed on my back, or leg, or whatever, to sitting in a hot tub.  It's very comforting to me.  For me to return the favor gets mixed results.  Sometimes she thinks I want have ulterior motives, other times she finds it downright annoying.  I tend to shy away from this behavior, and therefore keep my hands to myself, figuratively of course.

Play romantic games - Naughty films don't cut it.  We've been there before.  I think I've even tried one of those "relationship books" before...

Write a love letter - If I had any decent writing skills, and patience, I might actually try this.  Laura loves to write, and is genuinely appreciative of hand-written letters.  I consider myself a decent typist; a writer I'm not.  Shoot, when was the last time you have read a love letter?  Me too.  I don't even know what they're supposed to say, or sound like.  Maybe the content wouldn't be as important as long as it's stated 'from the heart', and of course, hand-written.  I know, I've seen the movies.  I love those sappy romantic-comedies, but that's another post.  I'll concede that this one may work.  Just don't ask me to do it on a regular basis.

Surprise your partner with a romantic dinner - The hard part with this one is more getting the kids out of the house than making the dinner.  In addition, Laura often gets stressed out when we're home when the kids are somewhere else.  It's the chronic "what needs to be done now? Laundry?" feeling voices she has.  I might be able to calm those inner-voices with a little (or a lot) of gin & tonic.  Hmm....  Let me think about this one.

Spend more time together - Well, duh!  This one is harder than it sounds.  With the constant distractions of children, Blackberries^®, etc. it's hard to spend time together, other than just next to each other.   Now that it's football season, we have a whole hour to sit and chat at the park while the kids practice & play on the structure.  She, on the other hand would rather use that time to clean up the house, grocery shop, run any errands that have to be done, etc.  I can't really blame her for wanting to get things done so the voices stop (see above).  I think this one is the most important, but the hardest to accomplish.  Let's face it, it takes a shit-ton of work on both parties' part. 

Okay, so after a little reflection on each bullet point, I concede that there are a few I could try.  Some are going to be a lot of work, others I'm not even going to attempt.  I even chuckle at the thought of a couple.  I still think the easiest solution is sexytime. ;)  I'd love to hear some of your solutions/ideas...preferably free.

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage, reflection, tips, familly