Sprained Ankle - I don't recommend it at all!

Late last month I sprained my ankle. I don't recall ever feeling that kind of pain before. I'm on my road to recovery, but it's been a difficult journey.

The weekend of September 12th didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. I had been struggling with feelings of being a less-than-stellar father. Monday morning, I had been brainstorming with the wife on how I can be a better dad.

At 6:30pm the kids & I were discussing what we could do for the evening. All three of them voted to play video games. Given my recent propensity to do the right thing, I vetoed all their votes and stipulated that if we go out on a bike ride to the park, they can do something “fun” when we get back. (Assuming we would indeed have fun at the park)

Just after 7:00pm we arrive at the park, approximately ¾ miles away. There was a soccer practice going on, but the play structure was empty, so we decided to play tag on the structure. During one of my escape maneuvers, I proceeded to walk down a 3-step stairway. On the first step, my foot turned sideways, and I heard a loud “pop” sound, followed by a “crunch”. An immediate surge of pain brought me to my knees on the wood-chip covered ground. Rolling around, in a futile attempt to get away from the pain in my ankle, I manage to drag myself, only using my hands, to the edge of the wood-chip area. At first my kids thought I was being funny. It wasn't until they noticed I wasn't addressing them at all that they realized I was indeed not being funny.

Laura had a PTA meeting to go to and was over at the school at this time. She had been there only 15 minutes when she received a phone call from our oldest daughter (I was in too much pain to hold a conversation) saying she had to come pick up her husband. I laid there a good 20 minutes, before she pulled up to the park. We attempted to hop the ~50' to the curb, but it was a no-go. I made her drive up onto the park lawn so I could crawl up into the van's backseat. She drove me home while the kids rode their bikes back home. (Luckily a neighbor saw what was going on, and volunteered to keep my bike along the side of their house until we could pick it up.)

Since it was now the kids' bedtime, Laura called my mom to take me to the hospital. It was at least 9:30 before I actually saw a doctor. X-rays showed no break, but a “severe sprain”. They gave me crutches, a “4-layer wrap” (sounds like a Taco Bell meal), and an air-cast. We got home at 11:30pm.

I figured I'd be back to work in a couple of days. My instructions were to wait until the swelling went down. 14 days , and 2 doctors visits later, I went back to work. (That whole situation is for another day). Me and my paycheck didn't get along for the following 2 weeks.

Recovery has probably been on-track, but my perception is that it's slow. I literally stayed off my feet for 16 days. I used crutches for an additional 5 days. I am now using the air-cast exclusively, and keep it on all day. It's saved my ankle from re-injury more than a few times. I have scheduled to keep it on until the beginning of November. I do manage to walk around, albeit slowly.

The orthopedic doctor gave me a statistic that is looming over my head. He told me that about 10% of people re-sprain their ankles. He added a side note saying that given the amount of people that sprain their ankles, that's a lot of re-sprains.

I've had to refuse playing outdoor sports with my son a few times. It pains me to see him say, “Okay dad.” and move on. I can't help but think I'm letting him down.

The moral of this story is this: if the kids want to play video games, don't argue. You just might sprain your ankle. (Alternately the moral could be this: You don't have to play on a play structure to be a good dad; video games will do fine.)

"I need a vacation." Not just a quote...

If you recall in one of the best Governator movies ever, "True Lies" Arnold just gets done fighting the bad guys. He's feeling overwhelmed, and says, "I need a vacation" in his Austrian accent. That's how I feel. The problem is, I don't want to go on vacation, I want vacation to come to me.

True Lies Clips

Technorati Tags: vacation, reflection, stress

Off to a good start...

For my birthday, my wife bought me a daily devotions Bible for Busy Dads. It’s the entire New Testament broken down in daily chunks. I’ve been pretty good, reading about 71% of my days, i.e. 5 out of 7 days of the week. Some day’s I have to play catch-up, but it’s easy to do.

See more progress on: read the Bible daily

...stupid happiness.

Why does happiness seem so illusive? We often try so many things to find happiness, but many attempts are in vain. We find a new job, buy a new house, buy a new car, get a promotion (i.e. get more money), but yet we still are unhappy.

Laura tells me that I need to distinguish the difference between
happiness & joy. Joy is lasting, whereas happiness is fleeting. I
suppose that's true. She says that "I should be happy (read: joyful) in a cardboard box..."



Yes, the right answer is that God brings us joy. The problem is that I don't really know in my heart what that looks like. That's why I use "happiness."

This gets even more complicated when you have to factor in the happiness of the wife & kids... Laura & I have spent, and are going to spend a lot of time discussing this very thing.

As a man/father/husband, I have a huge responsibility. They say that you (I) cannot be held responsible for others' happiness, but my choices as the head of the household directly affect their happiness. So, in a sense I am responsible for their happiness.

More to come...


Technorati Tags: reflection, happiness, family

You're all I need, you're all I want, you're everything...

I've seen this video several times. Every time I become a blubbering mess. I have tried to reflect to really determine why I sob every time.

Lately I've been trying out the Opera browser. It's touted as the most 'standards compliant' browser out there. With that said, it's surprising how many websites don't work with it. Anyway, it's got built-in Widgets. (Basically, there these little doodads that float around on the desktop, similar to the OSX & Vista widgets.) I installed the Opera Bible widget that refreshes Bible verses every so often.

I fired up my Opera browser & the Bible widget first thing this morning. This is what it said:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

I immediately thought of this video. That is why I sob. I know that God is constantly protecting me & bearing the burdens that I should. He shoulders so much burden, I don't even know. All I have to do is take rest in Him...

Ya know, yesterday was a shitty day for me. In the "thick of it" I didn't seek God's council. I should have. Today though, I feel God's love, and that's important.

Car Porn

"Satisfaction" is always something that we seem to be seeking. We almost never find it. It's no surprise that Corporate America can always find something that they claim will "satisfy" us; just look at the Snickers candybar.

For us men in particular, they develop something called pr0n. This usually involves videos or pictures of the item with which we desire; often women, but in this example, it's cars! Pr0n is to substitute for something we cannot have. We all know it's never as good as the real thing, but in a pinch, it'll do. In almost all cases (I say "almost" because I am not a person of absolutes) pr0n is unhealthy. To dwell on something you cannot have, regardless of reason, is just bad news. You are supposed to be content with what you have, and profess your thankfulness to God everyday.

Yes, I am thankful. I love God with all my heart. And, in various aspects of my life, I trust him 100%. But, I am human. I'm a human that lives in a modern society, albeit tainted, stupid, etc. You get the picture. Oh yeah, and I'm a man. Visual stimulus gets my heart pumping. I get a rush from imagining myself driving a machine at the edge of recklessness on a track... Heck, that's why car chases exist in movies! We want to be the guy getting chased by the cops at a zillion miles per hour, dodging all the traffic, pedestrians, & traffic cones!

My point is this: My name is Mark & I'm addicted to porn. It may only be car porn, but it's porn nonetheless. Is it still a bad thing if I love it anyway? Probably. Should I repent? Mmmm...not sure. This is probably just a substitute for something else missing in my life. I don't care. I just want to drive! (Insert sweet driving theme song here.)

This money-management thing is hard work!

I recently clicked on an RSS feed I hadn't read in a while. I was astounded at the amount of good articles there were. I picked up a few & posted them to my Shared Stuff page, but I wanted to mention a few here.

This time of year is always pretty tough for me. With the incessantly evil North American International Autoshow that arrives in a little while, I always get the "New Car Buying Urge." This is a result of a combination of things; the first of which is, it's in my blood.
My dad has been known for buying and selling cars like they're going out of style. He almost never is satisfied. But he uses action, where I just do a lot of complaining. He loves cars; as do I.
The weather. S.E. Michigan has the stupidest weather. It's only predictability is that it's going to change. I guess the other mainstay is that winter sucks. It's cold, and ugly with a slushy/mud mix on the ground. Oh, and don't forget the excessive use of salt that eats the cars & the roads alike. And remember, we all can't wait for the spring months when the road crews have to fill all the potholes caused by the salt & shitty weather of months prior.
My 9+ y.o. car. The last week in January marks the anniversary of the week with which I bought my car: a 1999 Pontiac Grand Am. It's a decent car, but is starting to fall apart; and it's getting worse. Here's a quick list:

1. Breaks are having trouble stopping, I'm going to need new ones.
2. Driver's door window mechanism is all screwed up. I'm not going to attempt to fix it. Window falls right down into the door.
3. Power steering pump making a bunch of racket. Going to have to replace it; maybe this fall
4. Have to replace the fuel filter. "every 30k miles." I'm at 82k... that's going to be a messy job.
5. Transmission has trouble shifting on moderate-hard accelerations. It probably only needs a tune-up, but I still have to take the time to take it in to a trans shop. ugh.

And there's more, but I'm not going to list them...

My point? I found this article about "shaking the new car itch" It probably won't work on me once I get out of debt, but he makes some good points. I promised my wife that I wouldn't buy a car until he van was paid off in September. I intend to keep that promise. Plus, after some discussion (and some other articles) I am determined to kill off the 'ol credit card & start an emergency fund. That'll push off the new car until at least 2009. By then who knows, they might discontinue the model I want. 2009 is going to be a tough year for me, I can tell.

The first order of business though, is for me to start & keep a budget, get the car in working order, and pay off the f*cking credit card. I really have my work cut out for me. Oh, I forgot to mention: all the while keeping a happy household (wife and kids), staying true to God's plan for me (whatever that may be), teaching my children the values & eduction they need to be productive in society, keeping food on the table & gas in the tank; no pressure.

Vacation

I decided to take a little vacation over the 4th. I decided a few years ago that vacation for me means no computer usage. Since I'm on the computer everyday during the week, being temporarily computer-celibate is important to me and my family. It doesn't hurt when the wife crosses her arms, & taps her foot...

More God Time - What to Say?

Do you ever find yourself sitting in front of God not knowing what to say?

I have a laundry list of things that I'm thankful for. In my human mind, I feel I have beaten those topics into the ground. I usually hit those topics anyway, but I have to admit they aren't as heartfelt as I would like. Then I think, "Well, God knows my heart."

I think I'm going to try and keep one person in my thoughts/prayers all day; then take that one day at a time & see how it goes.

15 minute challenge

Before, I mentioned that I was going to try out the challenge of spending 15 minutes with God, twice a day. So far the time that I have spent with God has been great. I have found myself calm, peaceful, & cognitive. The problem is designating the time. As I have said before, I have no problem finding the 15 minutes e.g. driving the car, taking a shower, etc. It the designating the time as "God time" that's the problem.

7/1/07 Silence

Inspired by the latest Genesis service, I have decided that I'm going to do the "silence challenge" for this week - 2 15 minute sessions of silence to
spend with God.

Now, technically I already have these sessions. I take a 15(ish) minute shower everyday. There's silence there. In fact I get a good deal of
thinking done there. I always spend my last time of the day in prayer as I drift off to sleep. I'd say most days, that's 15 minutes.

But, I want to deliberately set aside a chunk of time that I can devote to God.

I thought about taking the drive to & from work, but I think most days that will be unproductive, as I will be distracted by driving.

Here goes...silence!

6/28/07 - The Power of Prayer

So, yesterday I lost the family guinea pig. I tried for a long time to find her in the dead of night. I prayed like mad for her return as I was going to sleep last night, and then again when I woke up this morning.

Laura & the kids came home just to look for the pig. Within 20 minutes, they found her. Praise Jesus! :)

June 26, 2007

Do you ever wish you had a video camera that could record your thoughts? Tonight I was at 1-Thing, and while the guys were praying for me, I hod so many thoughts running thru my head. From ways to connect spiritually with my kids, to the wonderful gift of grace God has bestowed upon me. Vision after vision. Of course, by the time I could get home, I had forgotten most of it. The one thing though, that has not left my head/heart is the desire to teach my children about Jesus. Knowing that God loves you no matter what is just so awesome.

I got home and called Laura. We discussed a bit about ways I can assist in a sort of prayer time with the kids. She gave me an example of what we could do. I didn't like it. It's not that I didn't like the idea per se, it's just that I don't think it's me. She suggested that I "sit in" on a few times until I can get the hang of it. I think that sounds like a grand idea.

God told us that we (men) are the spiritual leaders of the family. I'm pretty sure that I'm still leadint the family spiritually even if I'm not nevesarily the one leading them in prayer. That's good to know. Praise Jesus!

June 23, 2007

My final exam starts today. I've been married for 9 years. For 94% of that time has been spent with my wife (excluding work of course). This week she's taking the kids to house sit a friend's house. I am going to be all by myself. Dinner, grocery shopping, etc. I'm nervous. It's been years since I've had to do that by myself. I think the most intimidating part is, I'm not going to have anyone there to hold me accountable.

"God, help me this week as I live without my fam. Help me devote more time to you and your word. This is a critical time, & I don't want to screw it up. Father, I thank you for your grace everyday. Even if I don't verbalize it, know that in my heart I am grateful. Follow my family this week, & keep them safe. Amen."

June 22. 2007

I am reminded about a minor incident with a friend a few years ago. He was driving his family to church as was I. To make a long story short he turned right in front of me. I was close enough that I could clearly see all their faces. And of course there was Laura with her hands pressed against the dashboard. We later met up after service like we would usually do. I gave him a hard time, with a smile on my face. He said, "you must have gunned it from the light." I did. We were late. I was able to forgive him with just a shrug; you know, because he's human. And humans tend to make mistakes.

Applying that same philosophy to strangers is just so difficult to me. I think because often I feel that the mistakes people are making are just so obvious. I feel I can justify my lack of forgiveness because whatever they've done is their fault. How unChristlike is that?? I mean sheesh! The funny thing is, God's perspective is the same. My mistakes are so obvious. How can he(I) make them?

June 18-21, 2007

These last few days I've really not wanted to write anything; been kind of cranky too.

Countless times, when I've thought to myself, "was I this whiney?" And the answer is, most likely. I think one of the highest things on the Annoying Meter is kids' whining. That's why it's so prevalent in those kids comedy movies. All parents can identify with their children whining.

I'm sure God listens to us whine & shakes his head at us. The beauty of Him though, is that he had the grace to handle it. If only parents could have even a fraction of His grace to bestow on their children...

Jume 18, 2007

Father's Day. Since the kids were at their gramma's this weekend, we delegated today as Father's Day. As soon as I walked thru the door, Tess was there to yell out, "Happy father's day!" It really warmed my heart. I had forgotten. Tessa was there to remind me.

June 17, 2007

Lately, I've been searching for something to pray about. This morning, at church, the message I heard was "Pray for your children." It was kind of weird to hear something so obvious, yet so important. I knew that, yet I commonly neglected.

"Father, you are the Almighty Father. Teach me what it really means to be a (good) father. Watch over my kids. Guide them in ways that I am unable..."

June 16, 2007

No post today. I really didn't feel like it.

June 15, 2007

It's funny what a little Chris Tomlin in the car early in the morning will do.

I was reminded of why Laura & I started to attend church.

We were in the car on the way to something, and she had WMUZ on the radio. It had been the um-teenth time she had it on while we were in the car, & I was tired of it. As I was arguing to remove the Christian "crap" from the radio, she was arguing to keep it. She unloaded. She said something about how she has exhausted all other resources, & she was trying to make her attempt to seek God in hopes that He could solve our problems. By then the tears were rolling down her cheek. IT occurred to me then, that this was my fault, and the pain swelled in my chest.

That was the first time my heart was truly broken,,,and I, was the one that broke it.

Shortly after this conversation, we received the famous Genesis vodka flier. And God saved the day.